A celebrants guide to writing personal wedding vows

Todd Mayhew
Jun 3
3 min read

Updated: Jun 12

So… you are thinking about writing your wedding vows?

If the idea of writing your vows makes you nervous, you're not alone. I felt the same way. And I actually like writing and being up in front of a crowd. But somehow, when it came to putting how I felt into words—words I had to say out loud, in front of my closest people – I put pressure on myself and got a little stuck..... and procrastination kicked in hard!

There’s this weird pressure to be deep, funny, romantic, and original all at once. I wanted to say something meaningful, maybe even a little tear-jerking, but also very “us.” And that combo? Not easy.

That’s why I put together this guide—to help make the process feel a little less daunting and a lot more doable. Writing your own vows is fully worth it. Saying words that you came up with is incredibly powerful. Honestly, in every ceremony I am involved with, the vows are the best part, because it makes everyone there feel more connected to the couple. As a guest I love leaving a wedding feeling closer to the couple, and this comes from seeing them in a vulnerable, and potentially an emotional, state, and there is nothing more vulnerable than sharing words about each other during a wedding ceremony.

First things first: How do you want to do your vows?

There are a few ways to go about it, and I’ve seen couples do all of these:

1. Same vows, shared together

You can write them together and say the same thing to each other during the ceremony.

✔ It’s easy, united, and simple.

✘ It might feel less personal since it’s the same for both of you.

2. Write different vows, but share them ahead of time

This is what some people do to keep things balanced in tone and length.

✔ You get to add personal touches.

✘ You lose that surprise element on the day.

3. Different vows, shared for the first time on the day

This is what I personally love most. It’s heartfelt and raw in the best way.

✔ It’s a beautiful moment.

✘ One person might go long or super deep while the other keeps it short and light—but you can avoid that by agreeing on a rough format or word count.

Feeling stuck? Yeah, I was too.

Writer’s block hit hard. I found myself stressing over stuff like:

“Nothing I say will feel big enough”
“What if it sounds basic?”
“What if I cry halfway through it?”

But here’s what helped me get through it:

Realising anything I say from the heart is enough
Breaking it up into small parts instead of trying to do it all at once
Making a list of all the little things I love about my partner
Letting go of the idea that it has to be perfect (it doesn't)
Asking a friend to read it over if I was really unsure
Reminding myself that no one’s judging—people are just excited to see us get married

A little structure helps

Deciding on a simple format gave me something to hold onto. Here’s an example of what I used (feel free to borrow it):

The first time I saw you…
I promise to…
You make me feel…
Together, I know we’ll…

You don’t have to be rigid about it, but having a format kept me from spiralling into overthinking. I also aimed for around 200 words—short, sweet, and to the point.

Stuck on what to say? These questions helped me:

When did I know I was in love?
What tiny things do they do that I love?
What weird little habits drive me nuts in the best way?
What have they taught me?
What do I admire most about them?
What does “marriage” mean to me?
What’s something we’ve been through that made us stronger?
What does our future look like together?

Once I answered these, I highlighted the ones that felt the most “us.” That gave me a ton of material to work with when I started writing.

Now for the writing part (you’re closer than you think)

Here’s how I kicked things off—by mixing in a few sentence starters and my favourite answers from above.

Promise starters

I promise to…
I vow to…
I’ll always…

Vow starters

You make me…
Because of you, I…
I still can’t believe I get to…

And suddenly, I was writing my vows. A few words here and there, then some tweaks later—and I had something I was proud to say out loud.

If you're here reading this, you're already halfway there. Just start with one little memory, one little promise. Go from the heart. The rest will come.

You’ve got this!!